Still Looking

Still Looking: Written Originally by Jennifer Soh Li Wen, 21^st July 2011, Thursday, 10:17 p.m.-10:46 p.m.

As a daughter,

To my father and mother;

I am happier,

Seeing them together.

Soon I have to leave home,

Mom, you will not be alone;

For Dad will be at home,

But I wish he can lower his tone.

If that you can abide,

I hope you do not hide;

Your real feelings inside,

When we are all by your side.

When I leave,

I hope you will not worry;

It is for the better of me,

I do not know how the future may be.

Anytime when you are alone at home,

You can read the Harper’s BAZAAR magazine;

Which I have won for you for a year whole,

Reading is your hobby and it will accompany you monthly.

There will also be a special diary,

You can write your secrets in it;

You are also free to scribble anything,

It is forever yours and yours to keep.

You have chosen your husband,

I cannot choose my father;

I do not want to be your burden,

I will float and fly out like a feather.

About myself,

16 and 17 were not nice;

As I look at my shelf,

I see surprise by surprise.

Books, pictures, and magazines I treasure most,

I have nothing to boast;

I do not travel coast to coast,

I am afraid should there be a ghost.

Out of home,
I hope there is hope;

For me to cope,

Pulling my dream rope.

While I am at it,

I am still looking;

An answer in my life,

A man who would make me his wife.

If I choose not to give birth,

Having a child is so difficult;

Will people see me as unworthy for not being a mother?

Will my family tree be an insult?

Even if my future husband agrees,

Will our relationship decrease?

Can he stand looking at me?

Will he give up on me?

Like my mother,

I get to choose my husband;

I cannot be a solitary person forever,

I need a man to share my curtain.

As I have said,

I am still looking;

I need no aid,

As I believe he will appear naturally.

I will be married to a person,

Unlike my father;

I am not like my mother,

My choice of man is different.

As a daughter,

It is time to leave home;

17’s love was not pleasant,

Single at 24 is not old.

I have learnt from the past that,

I will not simply start a relationship;

If I know he is not my Mr. Right,

I will not waste my time, money, and energy for him.

I have a reason to leave,

A postgraduate I will be;

I desperately need to breathe,

For I seriously need to search for my own destiny,

When I am back, I promise to tell you my survival story.