Virgin No More

**Note: Before you start reading, please be informed that the use of the vocabulary "virgin" here carries the meaning of the girl in this poem, who is no longer a virgin (she has experienced) in falling in love (being in love). The writer has no intention at all of existing it as its literal meaning in the adulthood context. Thank you, all...

Virgin No More: Written originally by Jennifer Soh Li Wen, 19^th November 2012, Monday, 2:21 a.m.- 5:11 a.m., USM hostel room, Plus time from before 1:40 p.m. to edit some thoughts..

“In the reminiscence of our spot and all of the other dots:

– On the family, rainbow, food, education, and flight – With and without my very frog eyes.”

Hello there,

Just want to tell you;

Remind you,

That God is fair.

I shall say yesterday as today,

For I haven’t dreamt yet;

God knows I pray and pray,

Will define if you let.

I was in the deep sea,

A mermaid swam free;

God sent me a he,

In love was all I see.

Half of ten,

It wasn’t a weekend;

“Anymore,” repeated my man,

Yours truly, “The end.”

Facing,

Reading;

Shaking,

Losing.

Don’t forget 14^th,

Via text messaging;

Evening at 7:46^th,

4 the only 1 imprint.

The names of an umbrella,

Day or night no matter;

Rain or shine even better,

As the rainbow gave us a holler.

Traveling made easy,

But the experience was lousy;

Everyone was bossy,

Speaking became busy.

Volumes of high and low,

It was hard to reap the sow;

Attacks all in a row,

We became the wheels on tow.

There were leakages everywhere,

I could just hug my bear;

If only I knew when he was there,

Already deciding to adjust his rear.

It was difficult then easy,

I was just a little Missy;

His hair was never greasy,

His temper was never pissy.

2 + (– 2),

Gained and lost;

True and false,

One became two.

3 x 2,

A number to prove;

Months exclude,

Communication still smooth.

Skin colors had no clue,

No reason to be blue;

United by heartfelt glue,

Walked through hot and flu.

My presence,

His absence;

My nonsense,

My lessons.

Welcome to my history,

Happy yet melancholy;

Short but satisfactory,

Affected unnecessarily.

Together a scene,

Together a sin?

Collected gossips,

Uncontrollable lips.

Now that it’s over,

I have had my sober;

Hope for quick recover,

It’s gonna be December.

I blame unto me,

My negativity;

Too much to a degree,

I was left by the he.

Does life have instruction?

Why is mine under construction?

Went into destruction,

Dying of liposuction.

Angels saved me,

Both soul and body;

Siblings hugged me,

Alerted me that I’m a lady.

My eyes are closing,

But I’m not finished;

The songs I was listening,

Kelly Clarkson’s mission accomplished.

Do we really need at least a song?

To know who and where we are?

Songwriters live long,

Congratulations on reaching people far.

“Songwriters don’t have specific shoe sizes. They fit all of them.”

Breakthrough occurred yesterday,

Unwrapped, tore, given, captured, and thrown away;

Another I shall keep as I may,

He has missed what I wanted to say.

Memories that haunted,

Photos that sorted;

Status posted-unposted,

Family reported-unreported.

My tears went back to the sea,

Salted in transparency;

He won’t get to see,

He doesn’t want to see.

God has given me refuge,

Though my prayers aren’t huge;

He saves and loves you,

He neither leaves nor forsakes you.

A child to the Father,

Thy Love a beautiful feather;

Tests you to go farther,

You’ll make it somehow or rather.

My Lord,

Please forgive me;

I’m so sorry for all my sins,

Oh Lord,

I repent my sins,

Oh Lord;

I won’t do it again,

Oh Lord.

Our date is every night before dreamland,

Oh Lord;

I’ll speak up and not pretend,

I’ll be too honest with You, Thy Lord.

“It wasn’t yet dawn as He heard my prayer and wiped my every tear; the pillow quenched.”

I bid goodbye,

To the past that imply;

Though truth but lie,

Wings spread too fast to fly.

My heart,

Placed in his cart;

Is it still in his mart?

I find it difficult to conclude this part.

No doubt God is still comforting me,

He still allows me to breathe;

The missing piece is with him,

But How Great Thou Art that He is still within me.

I’m fragile,

Unto Him I reconcile;

My burdens a pile,

Left me moments awhile.

I shan’t live in fear,

Simple is just near;

I’ve dragged and should’ve ended it earlier,

So that the conclusion today wouldn’t appear.

It’s good that he has decided,

I deserve to be like that treated;

God will bless him with another,

Very sorry I failed to be a mother.

Words written and said to be forgotten,

Best if not to mention;

Calm the hearts that were once fast beaten,

We no longer need each other’s any attention.

All of the sweet loving,

Blessing and caring;

Eager while chasing,

Slower while separating.

Technology helped us a little,

Distance made the egg scramble;

We were once a colorful Skittle,

Before my big slip-up of the vehicle trouble.

The memories created were memorable,

Yet all made me vulnerable and stumble;

Forgive me for this isn’t a grumble,

I’m pushed in clearing all off the table.

I admit my innocence,

I seek for repentance;

I went through mental and physical obstacles,

I had you with me but I still wandered in circles.

“The brave move of asking and being advised: They thought that the contract shouldn’t be broken by any, because it never happened, but on your Birthday, I’ve made a new history.”

The Doctor frightened me,

I became worse than ugly;

I wrote to you in poetry and texty and spoke wordy quite many?

I wished you were there more often when I was monologue-ing.

Because of my stupidity,

I was too blind to see;

Not valuing my integrity,

I hung myself on the disaster tree.

Now that the rope is gone,

All thanks to the storm;

I fell to the ground inner-out bruised and torn,

God has lifted me up with His Hands so warm.

Positivity,

I invite you on bended knee;

Show me your dignity,

I’m happy with no money.

This memory,

In university;

Too much to carry,

Back to the city.

Sorry I had to leave,

I had too much grief;

I find no place here for me,

I’m no longer important to the he.

“The willingness of me to work and stay, discussions with some on accommodation in every single say and way, God’s planning is to make me not leave him, the job offer was the proof of it, I accepted and regretted it, and now I’ve lost all these – trust, faith, income, and him.”

I’ve said to him before,

He’s my only core;

This love I bore,

It’s still alive but sore,

The clothes I wore,

Some already entered the trash galore;

My writings he may tore,

To forget the attempted trials and tribulations before,

The late nights’ talks till snore,

The fun eating and splashing to pore;

His persona I adore,

The serious one I’ve fallen for for he doesn’t roar,

I’ve learnt so much from this floor,

Experiences of the good and bad have made me fall and soar;

All I can declare now is that I’m not a whore,

But to also clarify that I’m a virgin no more.

“I picture rendezvous of us somewhere over the rainbow &/ under the same sky, eyes to eyes, and hearts beating fast – In the name of loyalty, we still want to be together, forget about the rest, families to understand, the time reset, and start again, where we paused. I’ll wait...”